


Introductions

by secondsofhappiness



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8539231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondsofhappiness/pseuds/secondsofhappiness
Summary: “Tell me to go if you want me to,” was all he said. Robert huffed out a laugh. "And you’d leave?” Aaron smiled, biting his lip. “Probably not.” -----It's the anniversary of Sarah Sugden's death and Robert isn't coping too well. Aaron notices.





	

"I'm fine, Diane."

Aaron stopped short of the doorway, two hot cups of tea in hand, listening.

"Well, if you decide you're not too stubborn to accept company then you know where I am." Aaron craned his head and watched as Diane patted Robert's arm affectionately, her eyes full of motherly concern. He knew that look. He'd seen it too much of late. "You know, your dad wouldn't have wanted you to go alone."

Aaron caught the momentary flicker of pain in Robert's eyes, so quick that others wouldn't notice. Robert smiled, the plastered one forced onto his face. Aaron frowned; he knew that look too. 

"Honestly, Diane, I'm good. Vic's away with Adam and I promised I'd take some flowers for her. That's it. No big deal."

Diane nodded, her hand coming to rest at Robert's elbow. "Well, pet, if you change your mind then just let me know. I hate the thought of you spending the anniversary of your mam's death alone."

Aaron jumped, sensing movement and quickly diverted to the kitchen as Robert rounded the corner with a painted smile. "Aar- oh I wasn't sure if you'd left or if you still wanted a lift to the yard?"

Aaron shrugged, arm extending to pass Robert his tea. He took it and perched on the edge of the couch. "Only if you're going up there too."

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Robert took a sip. "We're closing in on a deal with Hoopers and I just need to work a little more charm to close it."

Aaron huffed out a laugh. "Well, you're the right man for the job then." Robert grinned over the rim of the mug, the usual sparkle missing from his eyes. His shoulders were slumped, one half of his collar crinkled and entirely out of place. 

Aaron's heart ached and he kept his eyes on Robert, watching him stab his finger on the screen of his phone, eyebrows knitted together and face pinched.

Days of memory were always difficult, Aaron knew only too well, but Robert wasn't a sharer. He kept it all locked up, tucked tightly away unless you fought your way in and could overlook the defence mechanisms designed to keep people out.

Aaron knew the feeling. He'd got better over the years but people didn't get close enough to Robert to notice the way he did. 

\---------

"Brew?" Aaron asked, wiping oily hands on his high vis. Robert was hunched over in his chair, frown deep. "Robert?" He didn't move. Aaron sighed. "Robert!"

Robert blinked, shaking his head, eyes vacant. He looked up from his desk. "Yeah?"

Aaron offered the hint of a smile. "I asked if you wanted a brew? Vic got those expensive biscuits too."

Robert's lips quirked into a momentary smile. "Thanks." His focused returned to the papers in front of him.

As Aaron waited for the kettle to boil, he checked his phone. Two messages.

Vic  
Is Rob ok? Thanks for looking out for him today. I know he can be an idiot with stuff like this but he really takes this day hard. I owe you a pint and a hug when we get home :) xx

Adam  
You ok mate? Distracting Vic today with a bit of paragliding. Living it up! Keep an eye on Robert, Vic's worrying herself. Talk later, bro xx

Aaron smiled. Idiot. Paragliding sounded perfect. Instead, he'd spent the morning wrestling with the insides of a Corsa and had an afternoon in front of an electric heater sorting through invoices to look forward to. 

He eyed Robert again. He was wound tight still, signing off a letter, pen pressing too hard.

Aaron finished the tea and perched on Robert's desk, placing the mug gently beside him. "Here, drink."

"In a minute-"

"No, Robert," Aaron urged. He slid the pen from Robert's grip, placing it down on the desk. "Now. Here." He nudged the mug. 

Robert sighed, looking up. "What's up with you?"

Aaron smiled. "Nothing. You've just been at it for hours without a break."

"Like I said, I've got lots on." Robert took a sip, eyes averted and downcast. His eyes returned to his papers.

"Yeah and so have I, Robert, but you can have a tea break with me."

Something in Robert seemed to shift, he didn't look up but sighed, some of the tension melting from his shoulders. "So Vic told you." He looked up then and Aaron's heart ached at the vulnerability in Robert's eyes. He was in. 

"Didn't have to," Aaron offered, "You barely slept last night, you tossed and turned and pretty much did my head in and then you woke up before me. Plus, I saw you looking at that photo you keep in your drawer."

Aaron watched Robert's face fall, his eyes rimmed red. Instantly, he straightened up with a deep breath and stood, tea abandoned. He didn't meet Aaron's eyes. "Yeah, well its just another day and I've got plenty on." He walked to flick through a stack of files from the filing cabinet.

"You know you don't have to pretend everything's fine if it isn't. This is me, you know?"

Robert stilled with his back to Aaron. "It's only a day and it's not like Vic and Andy are here to make a big thing out of it. Tried that before and it didn't work."

"Yeah, well Lawrence can't ruin it this time," Aaron offered, a sharpness to his words. No way was that family getting the chance to get anywhere near Robert today. They'd come so far, endured too much and seen each other broken and shattered. They'd treated one another pretty badly at times too but they were healing and growing and trusting and Aaron knew the lengths Robert would go to keep him safe. He'd do the same too. Just the thought of someone hurting Robert, of ruining what he'd fought to achieve and the man he'd become -kinder and less afraid, more comfortable in himself and less angry - made Aaron want to break things. He knew how it felt to lose someone close. He'd never really met Sarah Sugden but what he knew about her told him all he needed to know; she was Robert's - his own. She'd left too young in circumstances that had shaped Robert for his entire life, making him resentful, bitter and intent on revenge. 

Aaron knew how gentle Robert could be, how he could care and how intensely he felt. Aaron loved that about him. He also loved the sharp tongue and the fierce protectiveness, the terrible flowery shirts and the pretty shocking taste in music. He loved how much of a good cook he was, how Robert's long limbs took up most of their bed and that trademark smirk that often came with a twinkle in his eye. Aaron loved that they'd seen each other at their worst and even rock bottom hadn't broken them beyond repair. It was something neither of them could understand - how they'd weathered it all - but Aaron felt it with a level of certainty that sometimes frightened him - Robert was it. 

He loved it all - good and bad - and if the good came from Robert's mother then Aaron knew how painful it must have been to lose her so young and to have been so distant from the life he'd known for so long, to keep being unwanted in the place he called home.

Robert finished rifling through the files and must have found what he was looking for. He turned, leaning against the cabinet. "You don't have to do this, you know?" He smiled, forced, "I'm not making a big deal out of it. It's just business as usual."

He looked sure, his tone final, that Aaron nodded and returned back to his desk. Every few minutes he made sure to give Robert a once over and every time he did he found the same frown, the same rigid shoulders and steely expression.

At 2 o'clock, Aaron was mid irritating call with a dealer who didn't seem to want to budge on price when Robert slipped on his jacket and gestured to leave. He disappeared before Aaron even had a chance to think, the cabin door slamming behind him.

It took Aaron a good ten minutes to get rid of the idiot on the phone. He rubbed his face, done in. He grabbed his hat, dragging it on and replaced the high vis with his coat, locking the cabin behind him.

He found him almost instantly. Robert looked freezing. He had that awful blue jacket on again, the one from the lake that Aaron wished he could ruin in the wash if only Robert would let him even close to doing laundry. Robert had a thing about his clothes and Aaron barely cared enough to argue especially when Robert bought the fancy stuff that made his hoodies smell so nice. He'd find a way to destroy that jacket though - too many bad memories.

Robert had his hands in his pockets, shoulders to his ears and head down. The grave was decorated with a bouquet of daisies and a single red rose. Aaron didn't need to ask which was Robert's. He was still and staring and Aaron could feel the radiating vibe that kept many at arm's length - 'stay away'. Aaron had never felt that, always overwhelmed with the opposite need, the one that made him desperate to remain close and to keep Robert in his life. It was funny, really. Aaron knew he could be prickly too and he'd pushed so many people away from him even when the last thing he wanted was to be alone but Robert had always come back, had put up with plenty of his shit too. Yet, he was still here by Aaron's side.

He took a breath and started to walk. He saw Robert flinch, registering someone was near, but he didn't move, not even when Aaron stood close, shoulders brushing. 

"Tell me to go if you want me to," was all he said. 

Robert huffed out a laugh. "And you'd leave?"

Aaron smiled, biting his lip. "Probably not." Robert laughed then and Aaron snook a glance. It was genuine and his heart quickened at his ability draw his Robert back. "Nice flowers.""

Robert nodded. "Vic told me which ones to bring. Probably more my mum's taste than a red rose and Vic barely even knew her." He laughed, short, sharp and edged in bitterness.

Aaron frowned. "Well, I know nowt about flowers but I'm sure she'd have liked all of them. Thought that counts and all that."

"Yeah."

"She wasn't one for expensive things or flashy stuff. Half of the time it was like I was the adopted one, not Andy. Never fit in the way he did."

Aaron kept his eyes on Robert, feeling the urge to touch and reassure but it wasn't the right time. Robert was still radiating barbed wire defences.

"She was your mum. Bet it didn't matter to her."

Robert's eyes turned glassy and Aaron's hand twitched in his pocket, desperate to reach out. 

"Think I got it from her in a way." 

"What's that?"

Robert smiled then, swallowing hard. "The ambition thing. I don't think she ever really wanted the farmer's life like my dad did. She always wanted more."

"Must have been pretty difficult with your dad being who he was?" Aaron saw a flash of recognition cross Robert's face.

"Probably. She always tried to do the best for me... and Andy. My dad always wanted us to keep the farm going, to carry it on and I never wanted it."

"What did you want to do?" Aaron asked, genuinely curious. Young Robert Sugden was difficult to imagine.

Robert rubbed his lips together and laughed. Glancing sideways at Aaron, his features softening. "Computer programmer."

With amusement, Aaron shook his head. "Well, I bet that went down like a lead balloon in a farming family."

Robert scoffed, pushing his hands further into his pockets and curling in on himself a little further. "You could say that," he offered, shuffling his feet, "but there was this time when my dad wanted to have us working on the farm and she never agreed with it. She always listened to what I wanted and helped with my school stuff."

"She sounds great," Aaron said gently, chest tight with understanding. Having your mum leave for whatever reason was tough, but knowing life could have been so different - better, even - if they'd stayed in your life, that was hard. He knew only too well. They were silent for a moment.

Eventually, Robert broke the silence, voice small. "I wish I'd been able to tell her."

Aaron closed his eyes in understanding, breathing out. He turned to Robert, catching a glimpse of the single tear that was meant to go unnoticed. He slid his arm through Robert's, holding tight. "I know it doesn't make a difference now but I bet she'd have understood and even if she hadn't, you've done this all on your own and you're still here."

Robert frowned, drawing in a shaky breath. "Yeah, well I might not have screwed up so much."

"Can't change who you are," Aaron teased, nudging Robert's arm and drawing out a flicker of a smile. Robert rolled his eyes.

"Charming."

"Well, I reckon I'd have always been a little shit even if my mum had stuck about. A lot of stuff would have been different, obviously, but I reckon I'd still have had plenty of issues."

"Yeah, Dingle blood and all that." 

It was Aaron's turn to look affronted, but he quickly accepted the truth with a chuckle. "There's the Robert we all know and love."

"Well, can't go completely soft. People will notice."

"Hey," Aaron warned, tucking himself closer into Robert's shoulder, "you save all that for your family. Can't have you turning nice all of a sudden, reckon the world would stop spinning or summat." He grinned into the fabric of Robert's jacket, feeling the movement of Robert's laugh. 

"You're really not great at this comforting thing, you know?" Aaron laughed more, shrugging but holding tighter, harder. "And it's a good job you and Liv fall into the family category cos I doubt you'd manage to have me talking otherwise."

Aaron felt the rush of warmth wrap him up tight. He closed his eyes. Family. "You were doing my head in at the yard, had to come and work my magic, didn't I? I couldn't have you brooding alone, that's no good." Robert shifted for a moment and Aaron felt a spot of warmth at his hair line, heart filling with the kind of feeling that threatens to make it burst. Robert pressed a second kiss there, softer. "She'd be proud, you know?" Aaron offered quietly, unsure of Robert's response.

"Maybe now. Not before."

"Yeah well," Aaron sighed, "I bet she screwed up, did things she wasn't proud of. She'd be proud of who you are. I bet if she knew about how good you are at business and how much success you've had, she'd be over the moon, not to mention the fact that you were strong enough to go after what you wanted and didn't give into pressure to stick around and follow what your dad wanted when you didn't want to."

Aaron unthreaded their arms, pushing his hands into his pockets and angling himself towards Robert who smiled, small and noticeably grateful.

"I barely care half of the time what people think but I care about what she'd think. I dunno," he trailed off, screwing up his face, "I reckon she might have been able to sort me out but you can't change the past."

Aaron felt that familiar clench at his chest. If only. "As much as we'd like to."

"I reckon she'd be happy with my future though. Dunno what she'd think about me marrying a Dingle but I think she'd at least appreciate the irony."

"Hey!" Aaron chided, nudging Robert with his shoulder, earning a genuine smile in return, "Well you can always introduce me now, tell her how great I am and all that."

Robert's eyes lingered and Aaron shifted under the weight of the emotion in them. He'd gone too far, maybe. He didn't expect Robert's response, the fact he slowly slipped his hand into Aaron's pocket, fingers knitting together. Aaron's skin rushed warm, insides lit up and desperate all at once. Robert leaned close, head down.

When he spoke it was soft, quiet and exactly the voice Aaron had grown so fond of hearing. It was from the heart. "So mum, I know it's been a while and I'm sorry about that. I've always wanted to come to see you." Aaron stole a glance at Robert and watched tears form at his lashes. He squeezed their hands tighter. "I won't go over old ground and stuff in the past but I will tell you about the present and how I'm getting married. It probably won't be in the way you'd expect and that's fine but I'd really like it if you knew I'm happy because I haven't really had a lot of that over the years and I wish you'd have been here. I think about you every day." Aaron let his own tears fall then. He closed his eyes against them, his thumb stroking lines against Robert's. "This is Aaron by the way. He's erm, well he's here and that says a lot because I'm not easy to be around a lot of the time and I've made plenty of mistakes but the way you used to make me feel? Like I was the most important thing? Like you'd do anything for me and you'd always protect me? Well, I feel like that around him and he makes me feel that too and I guess that's the best you can ever hope for."

Aaron swallowed hard, his lip quivering. He pressed them together and blinked back tears. Robert's chest was shaking, hand tight in Aaron's as his entire body fought against giving into it all. Aaron reached out with his free hand and laid it gently on the top of the grave stone. He stroked his thumb across it feeling the roughness of it but smiling regardless. 

When he turned back to Robert he saw the tipping point, the moment when Robert's shoulders caved and his eyes closed. He turned to try to leave and Aaron moved quickly, pulling at their joined hands until Robert was close. He wrapped his arms around him, his now free hand warm against the back of Robert's head which was pressed hard into Aaron's neck where he could feel damp eyelashes and cool cheeks. He held tight and felt Robert's body shake, realising all at once how this was the first time he'd truly been able to talk to his mum, to be open and Aaron couldn't let him feel like breaking a little was something to be ashamed of. Nobody could be strong all of the time, that much he'd learned.

"She'd be proud," was all he said. Robert was one of life's great puzzles and Aaron was sure he knew most of his pieces, some amazing, some terrifying, some strong and some so broken they defied fixing but if there was ever something to admire, it was the ability to change. Aaron knew it all too well, knew the impact a person could have in changing your life and keeping you safe. How the absence of that could hurt so badly that when someone stayed put, planted their feet and flat out refused to let you be alone, to let the bad in you overshadow the good, you felt parts of yourself heal. 

"I love you," was all Robert said and Aaron believed him. 

He'd take him back home, get him a pint and they'd sit on the sofa together and watch something crap on TV. They'd heal together. 

Everything Robert had said to his mum was right. They'd always protect each other. 

No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> I really loved Sarah Sugden when I was a kid and it always breaks my heart when Robert talks about her because she was always HIS, or it felt that way. Although she wasn’t his biological mum, he loved her as if was. Jack always favoured Andy but Robert always stuck by her and I’d love to think that had she still been alive, she would have supported Robert no matter what. I think some of her ideas and thoughts on life shaped Robert into who he is today. I’d love a scene between now and the wedding like this or even just Robert alone, I hope we get to see him acknowledge her after the Lawrence fiasco.  
> I hope you enjoyed :)


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